“The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man's determination.” - Tommy Lasorda 

Shashi Bhushan Dubey a Spiritual Coach and Business Mentor has stated: “We all have foes and enemies, but the greatest one lies within us!”  Could it be true that most of the time we have the power to determine our own destiny if we would just get out of our own way and be self-determined? 

What would it require to be a more self-determined person?  What would it take to believe you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think and become more self-determined?

Start With Your Strengths

What is the best way to start identifying your specific strengths? Start by looking very closely at what you are good at. Being accomplished at something is a positive indication that you have a strength.

This awareness might lead you to several skills you have taken for granted but which have intrinsic value to your goal of focusing more on strengths. Looking at what you enjoy can also be a catalyst to strength discovery.

Enjoyment leads to repetition and mastery. What I enjoy I want to do again. Mastery is another word for strength. Utilizing your variety of strengths has the potential of producing more successful outcomes. Confidence promotes new interests and a more fulfilling lifestyle.

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” - Anna Freud

When we experience better outcomes through our choices, we increase the chance the cycle will be repeated. This allows your strengths to create new strengths, which leads to negativity and past issues having less and less influence on your day-to-day living. 

Remember to Play

Play has power. The power to provide pure enjoyment. The power to unleash our imagination. The power to increase flexible and creative thought. The power to stop and enjoy the moment. The power to increase your happiness and well-being. The power to feel young-at-heart and free-spirited. The power to be unstructured and uninhibited. The power to, at least temporarily, be free of responsibility. The power to experience the unexpected.

The genius of play is that it requires no genius, just time. And, this may be the real challenge. In the busy world we live in, how do we find the time? We cannot find the time we need to create the time.

We need to allow play into our busy schedules. We renovate our homes, we detail our cars, we renew our insurance, we commit to our professional development, and yet we fail to rejuvenate ourselves through the invaluable dedication to be non-productive.

To play fully, we will need to focus more on just being and not doing. We will need to be in the moment more often and forego the urge to plan and have expectations or outcomes.

Let your being be the doing. Resistance to the present moment is the source of much of our angst, frustration, anxiety, and depression. Take your focus from your head to your heart, and feel.

We know that being more playful relieves stress, eases anxiety and tension, and improves mood. The social benefits of being more playful are also salient. Playfulness may defuse conflict, improve relationships, enhance teamwork, and promote bonding. Humour and being more playful has even been credited with the physical benefits of boosting our immunity, lowering stress hormones, decreasing pain, relaxing muscles, and assisting heart health.

Have an Internal Locus of Control

An internal locus of control is based on perception.  We control our perceptions through our choices.  When we do not believe our choices will make a difference our motivation to act is diminished.  When an external locus of control permeates, we feel blocked and our overall well-being will be impacted accordingly. 

An external locus of control is looking outward for solutions that are available from within.  There is a growing dependency on outside support to solve our problems, which may take the form of other people or even the government to provide what we are unable to provide for ourselves.  These expectations become like a contagion that cripples our ability to be self-determined.

Take Responsibility

“You are responsible for you, no one owes you anything.” - Wanda Korzowski

Being a responsible person takes courage. You will hold yourself accountable for your actions and not blame others. The blame game is not in your vernacular. The rewards of taking responsibility are immense. You are your own person. You take on the good, the bad, and the ugly with no need for regrets or justification.

On the other hand, you may need to curb your urges to be a heroic leader. The over-responsibility of taking on others' tasks does not serve others well. Instead, it reinforces their passivity and under-responsibility issues. The co-dependency of over and under-responsible individuals is inefficient for both. Perhaps the roots of responsibility are mysteriously linked to the wings of independence. Time to take flight!

Have a Passion

“You don’t follow your passion. You take it with you.”- Mike Rowe

Passionate people are compelled, perhaps even called, to do something meaningful with their lives. There is a sense of achievement, pride and purpose in their pursuit of life.

Passionate people take charge. They are in control of their life and demonstrate this control through having personal agency, self-discipline, and autonomy in their life.

Rewards are still important but not central to their drive and ambition. They are not ego driven. They are task driven. They are all in on accomplishing their life goals and creating purpose and value in their lives. 

To develop self-determination takes time and effort. You will need to choose what you let into your mind. This would include your physical environment as well as your social environment. This means choosing the people, experiences, and really all the stimuli that you are exposed to. You will need to learn to be very selective about who and what you let into your mind.

Your observational skills regarding your personal strengths, your internal locus of control, your time taken to play, your responsibilities, and your passion will help guide you to a more self-determined life.  Through less focus on your limitations and more focus on your strengths you will discover your true potential is reliant on your self-determination.